[Last Time, on El WHAT?!: Our Heroes started out on the journey north to the crossroads, where hopefully they could pick up some horses. Yeah. Right. Not that anybody but the chicks can ride, anyway. What is it with chicks and horses?] [Anyway, they started the journey and quickly discovered they'd forgotten one important thing. Many people had forgotten to pick up rations for the coming journey, and would be going hungry. Luckily, Fadi proved to be a master forager and scrounged up a backpack full of travel rations from the forest. How in the HELL he did this, nobody knows.] [If we're lucky, hell won't really be how he did it. But you never know with Fadi.] [We open on our heroes just finishing their lunch, which is interrupted as Emmet suddenly appears where Tiffany was just an instant ago, her half eaten ration in his lap.] [Session... START.] ..Hey, Emmet. * Emmet looks down at his lap and blinks. "Hey. May I finish this? I'm kind of hungry." * Fadi stretches. "Heya Emmet. Lucky you, Tiff was gonna eat your share." My share? ... I guess so. * Emmet promptly eats the remainder of the ration. Ah.... Oh, nevermind. * The sun fails to beat down mercilessly on your shoulders, in spite of it being noon. The encroaching trees provide just enough shade to make it comfortable. Everyone done? We might as well get going. Emmet, mind scouting ahead for us now that you're back? * Emmet dusts crumbs off of his fingers and stands. "Absolutely." * Sophie nods. "I'm ready." * Nick shoulders his gear and stands. "Great." What're we waiting for? Lead on, meat-shield. Wow, I feel so loved. Scout away Emmet, I'll be right behind ya. * Fadi starts walking down the path. * Harold gets his gear back in order and begins following Fadi down the trail. * Emmet slips off the beaten path and ahead of the group as quickly and quietly as he can manage. * Nick follows Harold, hand on his sword. * Sophie follows, hand near her sword. 'Cause it's natural. * Time Passes. The sun comes ever closer to setting, and you've yet to see a single traveler, or a single sign of life, really, aside from the occasional small and inoffensive forest animal. * Harold has begun to grow worried at all the nothing they're finding. * Fadi hasn't. * Nick just seems kind of bored. * Emmet doesn't worry or think much at all. Rather, he focuses intently on creeping along near the path and watching out for anything out of the ordinary. * More time passes. The sun nears the horizon, and the moon rises. * Fadi takes off his shades. He looks back at Harold. "What, you're worried that nothing's going wrong?" No, that we might be lost. I thought it wasn't supposed to be far to our destination? * Emmet appears on the side of the path and waves his arms at the others. "Guys," he hisses urgently. "Something's coming from the east. Fast." He points to the eastern side of the path. ... nevermind! * Nick partially draws his sword. * Fadi draws his sword and faces east. "Any idea what it is?" ... why don't we hide on the _west_ side of the path and get a look at it that way? * A sound dopplers in, now easily audible to everybody. A small, shrill voice is screaming, "aaaAaAaAaAAaAAaAAaAAAAAAAAAA" * Whatever it is, it'll be here in a few seconds. * Sophie frowns. She puts a hand on her sword, but doesn't draw it yet. "Bloody hell, probably a bleedin' thing trying to eat us, like usual." Well, for once you're makin' sense Harold. * Nick shakes his head, sheathes the sword, and pulls out the mace. "What the hell?" * Emmet draws his short sword in its scabard and unslings his shield from its back. He's still bristling with weapons, even so. "Sounds like... pigs..." * Harold nods, and goes to try and hide himself behind some likely-looking bushes. He is hoping everyone else follows, or that the thing approaches turns out to be dangerous, or he's going to look even sillier than usual. * Sophie draws her sword. "I hope this works." * Nick readies himself. * Emmet readies his weapons, since he doesn't have time to hide now. * The sound of the screaming grows ever louder, and now another sound can be heard. It sounds like the grunting of a... pig? * Fadi readies himself as well. Fuckin' pig. * Fadi grins. "Who's up for bacon?" * The sound peaks, and then just a second later, a small figure barrels out from between two bushes, sending leaves flying. It's carrying a small sticklike weapon of some sort, and it's running faster than should technically be possible. * The goblin fairly STREAKS across the road, screaming at the top of its lungs. ... * Emmet tightens his grip on his sword and shield. "But where's the pig," he wonders aloud as he glances at the fleeing goblin. * Nick swings the mace right over the damned goblin's head. * Sophie just stands there and lets to goblin run by. * Harold bursts dramatically out of the bushes and _whaps_ his staff into the goblin very solidly. * Fadi swings to the goblins side, landing a very solid hit in its torso. * Harold's rap on the head stuns the hell out of the goblin, and then Fadi's sword sweeps through its torso. Strangely, however, the goblin appears to not have been cut in half. Instead, it falls to its knees, utterly silent. * Fadi brings the sword around and straight thru the goblins neck, cleaving the head off its shoulders in one strike. ..Wait, what? * A moment later, all hell breaks loose as a massive warthog comes barrelling at full speed out of the bushes and straight for the now headless goblin. * Fadi blinks as he suddenly shakes his head, turning straight at the massive warthog ready to strike again. He's got one twisted grin on his face, though. * Harold frowns slightly at Fadi's display of excessive force, and is about to say something... when warthog begins rampaging out of the bushes. He immediately resets his priorities... * Sophie takes a swing at the piggy's head as it charges by. * Sophie nearly takes a leg off the poor piggy as it charges by. That's one good sword. * Emmet takes his cue from Sophie and lunges at the warthog with his long knife, or short sword, whatever it's called. * Nick runs up to the pig on its other side, swinging away with his mace. * The warthog staggers away from the painful sword in Sophie's hands only to be whacked on top of the head with Nick's mace. It shakes itself, momentarily stunned, and then its beady little eyes focus on Nick. * The warthog tosses its head, but staggers back toward Sophie when its leg nearly gives out. * Harold strides forward, spinning his quarterstaff with more agility than he ever usually displays. The first strike whiffs harmlessly over the warthog's head, but the second slams heavily down on its injured shoulder and back. * Fadi moves in to make some bacon, and slices one clean strike straight through the pig's back but not leaving a single scratch from the attack. * The warthog snorts and tosses its head, then its beady eyes shut and it slumps to the ground, still alive but probably not so for much longer. * Sophie wipes her sword off on some nearby grass. "Well, that was unexpected." So, who's up for bacon? * Fadi flicks the goblin blood off from his sword. "Bacon, ham, whatever it is it looks like it'll taste good." Emmet, any signs of anything else coming this way? * The forest seems unnaturally quiet now, since most wildlife has been scared off by the rampaging warthog. * Nick puts his mace away and yawns. Weird, that felt almost normal. * Emmet looks down at the dying animal. "I should put it out of its misery." He knees beside the pig and angles his sword just so, as his mentor taught him. Then he shoves the blad into the pig's neck, severing its spine and killing it instantly. * Fadi swings his sword back and cleanly places it back in its baldric. He looks around strangly and almost jerks back at Nick's yawn. "Yeah, normal." * Harold is still experiencing his adrenaline rush and is all twitchy as a result. "... well, that went well enough. I don't suppose anyone here would know how to prepare it." Can't we just toss the meat on a stick and hold it over a fire? Hell no. I never cooked a thing in my life. Well, I presume you'd want to get the skin off first, and then there's the matter of blood and organs... ... um, Emmet? * Harold grins hopefully at the handy ranger. * Emmet wipes his blade off onn the animal's fur. He stands again and looks around. "I don't think anything else is out there. But I can help prepare the pig." Wonderful! Do you need any help? * Emmet puts his weapons away. "It couldn't hurt. Thanks, Harold." * Fadi looks like he was just on a power trip. He's looking around a bit wildly at the moment, but eventually calms down. * Harold hadn't meant to volunteer, but now he's sort of stuck with it. "... oh. Ah. Um..." The adrenaline is pretty clearly wearing off. "... if there's a knife I can borrow...." * Fadi pulls out a switchblade and throws it to Harold's feet. "I want it back when you're done." * Sophie rubs her head. * Harold kneels to pick it up. "... thank you, I think." * Emmet drags the hog carcass over to an area where he can work on it. Then he sets about skinning, gutting, and trimming the animal. So what about the headless gob? * Harold assists Emmet as best as he can, a massive effort of will keeping him from getting sick from the smell and ick as the animal is opened up. Instead, he focuses on the necessity of using the meat, since otherwise they killed the animal for no really good reason at all. * The smell is, indeed, absolutely horrific. Almost as bad as the headless corpse of the goblin, in fact. The corpse of the warthog proves nearly as difficult to deal with in death as in life, and in the end, it gives up only enough meat to break up the monotony of crappy trail rations. * By the time Harold and Emmet are done, it's nearly dark, and time to settle in for the night. * Emmet arranges the remains of the animal in two bloody piles: meat and refuse. Sadly the refuse pile is larger and the meat pile smaller than Emmet intented. He frowns at his work when it's done. At least it's somethin'. * Nick walks over to the goblin and inspects it. * Harold sighs and desperately wishes he could have a bath (no such luck). "... can we cook it over night?" * Fadi proceeds to take off his armor, which he has been wearing most of the day. "Sure, why not? Bacon in the morning." * Emmet nods reluctantly. "I could have done much better. Thanks for your help, Harold. If we don't have any salt, though, we should cook what we have and throw the rest away. Don't want to attract pests." We definitely don't have salt... we should pick some up when we get where we're going, just in case. I don't suppose the rest of you would build us a fire and take care of the goblin's remains while we get rid of the refuse? * Fadi gets up and takes his switchblade back, cleaning it on some bushes before placing it back in his pants. Just a sec, I'll get the little.. dude. What's up? * The goblin is headless. It has, as its weapon, a slightly charred pointy stick. It looks as though it has been severely beaten in the recent past, both because of bruises and because it lacks any sort of other gear besides its tattered clothes and the slightly charred pointy stick. * Nick sighs and takes the stick, using it to gently roll the corpse into the bushes. He then places the pointy end into the dirt, to serve as a little memorial. * Sophie snickers at that. * The pointy stick does not bend as Nick uses it to roll the corpse. This is in spite of the pointy stick being quite thin, and not appearing particularly dry, and the corpse is quite heavy, compared to the stick. * Nick blinks and inspects the stick further. * The stick does not react to Nick. It stands there, straight up, where he left it. A slightly charred, pointy stick. ..I think I'll take this with me. * Nick takes the slightly charred, pointy stick, and places it inside his backpack. He then uses another, non-charred and non-pointy stick, to serve as a replacement memorial. Alrighty, he's, uh, buried. Good enough for me. Let's cook the pig and get some rest. * Nick starts rolling out his bedroll. * Fadi finishes taking off his armor and places it to the side of his backpack, taking out a simple blanket for him to rest on. I really should pick up a bedroll soon. * Emmet scoops up most of the hog refuse in the animal's skin. "Harold, can you get a little fire going? I'll be back with this soon." I'll do my best. I'd like to rest somewhere away from the smell of decaying flesh and the buzzing flies that will surely be around here soon, if it's quite alright by you chaps. No problem with me. * AS a matter of fact, the flies ARE beginning to gather. ... eugh. Maybe we should all move somewhere else. ... Maybe we should move. * Sophie starts heading towards somewhere further away. The group splitting up is definitely not a good idea. * Harold jogs after Sophie, still working out in his head how the hell he's going to start a fire with no real training in this sort of thing. * Nick picks up his bedroll and follows Sophie and Harold. * Fadi picks up his armor, the blanket, and his backpack and walks after Sophi. "Do you need me to make a fire?" I would appreciate it. * Emmet carries the waste as far from the makeshift campsite as he dares, and dumps it. He returns just in time to hear Harold's last few words. "What's a good idea? Where are we go-- oh. Dead goblin." I'll come back with you to move the meat, Emmet. Okay. Do any of you have some flint and steel? Or a lighter? Com'on, one of you's gotta smoke. I'd have pegged you for the smoker, Fadi. Look man, only way I do that is by second-hand smoke. I've seen tons of people get wasted worse than you can imagine from that shit. I don't have anything like that. ... I suppose I imagined someone else would be able to take care of it. * Fadi looks around. Is there anything that would create sparks if you striked it with a weapon? * Sophie chuckles. "Find two sticks and rub them together." You wanna try makin' a fire? We could try that. I knew I was forgetting something when we were in town last. * Fadi shrugs. * Nick just sits back and relaxes. I'll get to work, then. I don't believe this... * Harold sighs. "Well, I'm sure we can improvise. Something else to buy when we get into town, too." Sure, I thought of it when we first walked out. But do I think of it now? Noooooo. * Emmet disappears into the underbrush for a while, and returns some minutes later ith an armful of forest detritus. He uses that to build a small, conical shape, which he then manages to set alight by, in fact, rubbing dry sticks together so vigorously that they smoulder and catch a few leaves alight. * Sophie takes a seat on a nearby tree stump and watches. This oughtta be good. * Emmet alternately fans and verbally cajoles the smoking leaves into something resembling a tiny fire, which he then coaxes into a small flame that very quickly devours most of the fuel he gathered. Emmet sighs, gets to his feet, and disappears into the forest as the fire burns meekly. * Emmet returns, fuels the fire with more forest debris, and sets out again. He repeats this process several times, and will continue doing so until he has enough fuel to cook the hog. * Eventually Emmet works the fire up to a large chunk of a fallen branch, which it happily gnaws on, crackling brightly. * Harold watches Emmet carefully, so he can try to duplicate the feat sometime in the future if it's necessary. * Emmet thankfully turns his attention to giving the pork a good char before the fire runs out or his audience falls asleep. Good job. * Nick claps a bit. * Fadi smiles. "Nice." * The smell of roasting pork fills the clearing. * Emmet smiles faintly as he prepares a main course of slightly crunchy pork dripping with fat. Onna stick. If you see a piece that looks like one you want to eat, come and get it. Sorry I forgot to ask how you guys like your pork done. * Fadi shrugs and grabs a piece once he's sure it's completly done on the outside, but not cooked any more through. "Medium Rare is good." * Nick just takes a piece and starts eating. * Fadi starts eating as well. "And better than rations too." * Sophie takes a piece and eats as well. "That's for sure." * Harold wipes his hands off on some greenery, cooks his pork until it's slightly charred, and then eats. Nothing has ever tasted quite so good. * Emmet takes the last piece for himself. * Emmet grins between bites. "Well," he says with a touch of pride, "this is a lot like a camping trip. Except with..." His smile turns into a more thoughtful frown. "More killing." [Dine well, adventurers, for tomorrow, you all shall... something.] [Session... END]